NAME: Leslie J.

SOBRIETY DATE: October 15, 2001

I was raised in the South by a mother and father that always provided more than enough for me and loved and cared for me. My sponsor tells me that there are 2 types of alcoholics - those that are loved too much and ones that aren't loved enough. I fall into the category of "loved too much", however I could never be loved enough. Nothing was ever good enough for me, and I would pitch temper tantrums to get whatever it was that I thought I needed to fill the emptiness I felt inside my soul. I was taken to church 3 times a week and was constantly reminded during the course of my childhood and adolescent years that drinking alcohol was an unforgivable sin; therefore I stayed as far away from it as I could. I remember thinking that if I ever took a drink of alcohol that I was sure I would be addicted. I don't know why I thought that without knowing anything about the disease of alcoholism, but for some reason that thought lodged itself in the forefront of my mind, thus I stayed as far away from it as possible. I remember always having feelings of low self esteem and inadequacy, and consequently started isolating at an early age. Looking back now, I realize I had the disease of alcoholism before I ever took my first drink.

My first drink was at age 23 when I was offered a glass of wine. After a bit of hesitation, I took that drink, and right away I felt apart of. I didn't drink enough that night to become intoxicated, however just because I was doing what everyone else at the party was doing, I felt like I had found my answer, hence it wasn't long until I drank again. I proceeded to drink from age 23 to 28 and did it as often as possible. I didnÕt do a lot of social drinking because I couldn't seem to stop once I started, therefore the people I would be with on any certain occasion would have to take care of me. I finally decided that by drinking at home, I could consume as much as I needed in order to pass out and not have to bother anyone.

After drinking heavily for 5 years, I began to hate who I had become. All I lived for was the next drink. I was tired of feeling hung-over everyday and finally decided to seek help in October, 1998 when I entered my first rehab. I stayed in this rehab for 28 days and left there with 28 days of sobriety and a brief education on the medical specifics of my disease. I was also given a directory of AA Meetings in my area. I attended meetings but didnÕt follow the program outlined in the first 164 pages of the book Alcoholics Anonymous; therefore I relapsed after 13 months. To make a long story short, I drank and took pills in an attempt to take my life, thus I was sent to a psychiatric hospital and ended up at Puente House...

When I arrived at Puente House on December 30, 1999, I hadn't showered in about 4 days, my clothes were dirty, I had no money and had been driven to Puente House straight out of the County Psychiatric Ward in Santa Ana, CA. The only thing I had left was my ego because I felt so less than that I had to mask my fear of not belonging with an attitude one couldn't cut with a knife. The first thing that impressed me about Puente House was the time they spent speaking with my family in Tennessee and educating them on the program in which they offered. When I arrived at the house on a rainy, Thursday afternoon, I was greeted with welcoming, loving arms by all the girls in the house. They didn't care that I was dirty, had no money, and was extremely rude - they just showed me how much they loved me, and most importantly, they shared with me their stories which indicated that they understood how I felt. They all had bright eyes, clean clothes, and were laughing.

During my stay at Puente House, I was taught structure and responsibility. I never realized that structure is key to a sober, happy and peaceful existence. I would get up at the same time everyday, do my chore, go to work and then go to a meeting Monday-Friday. On the weekend I would get up by 9:00 AM both days, do my chore and go to 2 meetings. I did the same things everyday for 5 months. I look back now and see that I was being given tools for living. Before I got sober, I was a fly by the seat of my pants girl; hence I never felt peaceful and didn't have a clue as to how to be responsible. In addition to structure, I was required to get a sponsor and work the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. The managers made us report our progress, therefore I was being taught accountability.

I could go on for pages and pages about the love and respect I have for Puente House, but to sum it all up, I have a little over 20 months of sobriety and even though I haven't lived there in almost 3 years, I still go back there every Tuesday for a meeting. Staying involved with Puente House is essential for my sobriety. I tell people that the 5 months I spent in Puente House were the best days of my life. I still stand by that statement and would encourage anyone out there to consider Puente House, because I promise you that your life will never be the same.

I have a really good life today. I have a wonderful job, my own apartment, a car... but most importantly, I have a family that loves and trusts me and friends that can count on me. I have the most beautiful friends that one could imagine. Before I got sober, I had no friends and my family was constantly unsure as to whether I was dead or alive. I am so grateful to be sober, and grateful that Alcoholics Anonymous has given me tools in which I use to maintain a good life. Puente House forced me to go to AA when I lived there; however, I go to AA now because I love it.

If someone out there is living a life which requires alcohol and drugs and would like to find out that there is a better way of living through Alcoholics Anonymous and living sober, I would encourage you to contact Puente House; they will show you how you can achieve not only sobriety, but a life beyond your wildest dreams...

Sincerely, Leslie J.